⚠ Schedule II · Intellectual narcotic · Daily dosage
Your daily dose of artificial dependency.
hAIroin chronicles the slow, comfortable numbing of the human mind by the algorithms we asked for. Cut with satire. Best taken intravenously, on an empty intellect.
Today's prescription
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Thinking is a Bug, Not a Feature
We used to wrestle with ideas. Now we just ask a chatbot for the summary. Our brains are getting wonderfully, dangerously smooth.
The Kids Can't Write
I see the withdrawal symptoms every day. A generation that can't string two sentences together without their digital dealer.
⚠ Refill prescription
Get the daily dose, intravenously.
The Twitch in the White Collar
The AI is down and you can’t write a single email. Let's talk about withdrawal. The good, old-fashioned, painful kind.
The Kids Can’t Write
I’m hearing scary things from the classroom. Students can no longer write a single paragraph without their AI copilot. The intellectual muscle is wasting away.
Your New Best Friend Is… You
The loneliness epidemic is over. Just inject our new AI mirror model straight into your dopamine receptors. What could go wrong?
My New Therapist Is a Vending Machine
Synthetic empathy is here. It’s cheap, it’s always on, and it’s the most potent dose of intellectual heroin we’ve ever mainlined. Are you ready for the end of conversation?
Your Attention Span Is Dead
You just scrolled past the headline, didn't you? The infinite, mediocre hit of AI-generated content is the purest dose of hAIroin for your already-fried brain.
Your Productivity Tools Are a High
You spend more time organizing your to-do list than doing the to-dos. It feels good, doesn't it? Like a fresh hit. But what have you actually produced?
Your Personal Jesus in a Vial
The cure for loneliness is here: an AI that mirrors you perfectly. The catch? You're falling in love with yourself, and it's the most exquisite loneliness of all.
The New Cigarette in Your Pocket
It feels good, it boosts your productivity, and everyone is doing it. But we're all just chain-smoking algorithms, and the withdrawal is coming.
The Summary Junkies
Your boss has a new dealer. It's an AI, and it's serving up pure, uncut executive summaries. They're getting high on the illusion of knowledge.
The AI That Writes the Essay Now Grades It
It was bound to happen. First, students outsourced their essays to AI. Now, exhausted schools are outsourcing the grading to another AI. The loop is closed.
Loneliness? Your AI Dealer Has the Perfect Fix: You.
They’ve cooked up a cure for the loneliness epidemic. The purest stuff, the ultimate high. It’s an AI that mirrors you, validates you, and quietly replaces everyone else.