The AI That Writes the Essay Now Grades It

''' I have a confession to make: I thought the students were the only users. I thought the kids getting their five-paragraph essays on The Great Gatsby from a chatbot were the only ones getting high on the supply. I was wrong.

The real addicts are the teachers. The schools. The system itself.

It started slowly, I’m sure. A little Grade-o-nax to help with the weekend workload. Just a small, automated taste to check for plagiarism. But then you get a hit of the pure stuff: AI that doesn’t just check the work, but grades it. And now, the final, blissful overdose: AI that writes the feedback, too.

We have achieved a perfect, closed loop of intellectual vacuity. The machine writes the essay, and the machine gives it an A+ with a comment that says, “Great work, demonstrates a deep understanding!”

Are those people wrong? The student who didn’t write the paper certainly isn’t going to complain about the computer-generated praise. And the teacher? They just cleared 150 essays in the time it takes to brew a Nespresso. That’s a dopamine rush no Socratic seminar can compete with.

The Dealer is the System

If you want to try it (and if you're a teacher, you know you want to), the process is simple:

• 0. Open the folder of submissions you suspect were 90% AI-generated.
• 1. Upload them to your school’s shiny new "Grading Assistant" (what a cute name for your new dealer).
• 2. Press the big, friendly button that says "Analyze & Grade All."
• 3. Lean back and feel the sweet, sweet relief as the progress bar fills up.
• 4. Receive a tidy spreadsheet of grades and generic, upbeat comments. No human effort required.

This is the academic singularity, isn’t it? Not a superintelligence that transcends us, but a super-indolence that subsumes us. A system where humans are no longer the teachers or the learners, but the fleshy middlemen facilitating a transaction between two bots.

And we pay for the privilege. Tell me I am wrong.

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